i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
