It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
