i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
