pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
