you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
