dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
