By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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