Don't EVER smell your tampon
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
