8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
