why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
May the power of my ass compel you!!
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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