4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My penis needs a shock collar
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
