Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
