my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
