Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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