He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
