Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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