I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
