Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
