I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
