i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
