your parents love me but you hate me
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
