I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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