he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
