WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
