If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
