are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
