Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
