We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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