Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
