I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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