I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
