everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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