I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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