i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
