Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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