The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
