I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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