i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
