I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
