You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
