i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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