hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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