I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
