i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I smell like Dick and happiness
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