paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
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