Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
