just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
