Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
