My sheets look like a crime scene.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You were trust falling into bushes
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
