I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
