My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
