just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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