did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
