Those balls look pretty dangerous.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
