dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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