and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
