when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
