I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
