The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
