If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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