the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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