Capitaan dildo arrescate!
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
