I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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